Procrastinating on my business closure, was I wrong then or now?
The do it-don’t do it decision to close my business down after thirty eight years has got me in a hurricane of uncertainty. After spending nearly four decades unlocking my business doors, I found it necessary to lock them for the last time. Physically, it was quite easy to do. With just my wife and I running our vacuum cleaning repair shop by ourselves, we had no employees to dismiss. I only had hand tools, so there was very little in the way of equipment to disband. It should have been an easy escape. But it wasn’t.
There was the income, or what was left of it. Three straight years of steady decline, mainly due to my suppliers all leaving the business, really hurt. This type of business, like all services related to repairing small appliances, was becoming obsolete. My customers wanted me there, which made me feel relevant, but I had little to sell them. So, financially, it should have been an easy and amicable decision. So what delayed me?
I spent hours, actually it was years, pacing about what to do. I wore out my office carpeting and many pairs of shoes, along with wearing out my brain. How could I leave something I had done for more then half my life? This career had supported my wife and I, along with three kids. It had allowed me to buy a house, a few new cars over the years, yet not enough to put away for our future. It struggled along the way, which meant we frequently struggled. But the battles to stay afloat were becoming more steady. My pacing picked up speed, my thoughts were more disenchanted.
My big resolution was going to mean failure with either way I go. Stay in a safe place that had previously taken care of me for thirty eight years, but was on an endless decline of collapse. Or shut down the business, say goodbye to all my customers, and pray another way to support my family would open it’s door. A man’s brain can only hold so many thoughts, or at least my brain acts that way. Why is the unknown so scary? How do others manage it? I can read all those articles that people blog about this, but that helps just until I finish reading them. Then the panic sets in again.
The funny thing is my wife and I always taught our kids to never hold back. Go after what makes you happy. My kids would have a good job, then quit to take a on better opportunity. I would say at the time, “Are you crazy, why would you leave that job?” And they would tell me something better had come along, why not go for the better opportunity?
So, why can’t I take my own advice? Is it because I don’t believe in myself. Is it because I feel I’m past the age of a career change? Am I stuck in that big of a rut I can’t escape? The hardest thing is that the answers to all those questions are contained in the future. To get there, I have to live through today. And where that gets me, who knows?
The heaviest burden a man can carry in his head is the thoughts of indecision. Relaying the those same words throughout my brain that tell me “If only I had done differently..” tears me apart. What if, why didn’t I, what would it have been like, are some of the many thoughts that attack me internally on a daily basis.
Well, so far, the answer for closing my business down two weeks ago is there is a giant weight off my shoulders. The future is still scary, but exciting at the same time. Following your dreams is a lot more fulfilling then keeping them on hold. Walking through the same old door year after year can give you some sort of security. But opening new doors can open yourself to a whole new life of adventure.
Different people in different situations make for different results. But the real difference comes from those who try and those who don’t. It’s going to be months before I see if I’m heading in the right direction. But where ever I end up, I’m glad I got rid of the negative thoughts of what would happen, and now look at a brand new mindset of what might happen? It simply goes as follows. Listen to your family, listen to your heart and know God has got your back. Bring it on.